September 22, 2008

High School Reunions

Class reunions have to go. And when I say "go", I am implying that the words "away forever" should follow. The trend of eliminating class reunions is necessary.

First, lets be honest about what class reunions are really about: seeing which of your former classmates have taken a turn for the worse. After seeing their current state of being, you can't help but feel better about yourself, right?

All you really want to know is:
1) Who has gained the most weight?
2) Who has lost the most hair?
3) Who still has the same job they had in high school?

But here is the question - Is taking delight in someone else's demise something to be proud of? Johnny Trendsetter is not just about making you popular, but also about molding you into the person that you want to be. If you're one of those people who would be embarrassed about your current life status, take your non-reunion as an opportunity to get things back on track. If you're one of those people who wants to go just to brag and let everyone know how great you are, take this opportunity to get a more appropriate attitude.

Luckily, it is never too late for class reunion prevention. For those of you still in high school, tradition holds that the senior class president and/or class officers are the ones to organize the reunion years down the road. I want for YOU, high school juniors, to start your campaign TODAY for class president. By winning the election, the opportunity to do everyone a favor and NOT have a class reunion rests in your hands. You can even go so far as to make it part of your platform. I believe it will work out well for you.

SIGN THAT THIS TREND HAS CAUGHT ON: The lack of a sense of dread as the ten year anniversary of your high school graduation approaches.


Anonymous said...

Americans' sense of competition may prove to be a threat to this trend. I bid you good luck.

Anonymous said...

MOAR trends!!!!!!!!!!

LeslieJerkins said...

MOAR= More Ostensibly Arrogant Randoms still want high school reunions?

Johnny Trendsetter said...

I'm am not sure which of the last two posts makes the most sense.

Billy Budapest said...

If they're good enough for George Bailey, they're good enough for me. I rebuke this trend (but ref eulogy I can get behind)!