October 1, 2008

Solution: Sign Language

The newest trend should be that of learning sign language. This is so obvious, that I truly cannot believe that it has not been implemented already. I learned how to spell out my name:  J-O-H-N-N-Y   T-R-E-N-D-S-E-T-T-E-R from the back cover of my 1st grade "Weekly Reader". This has had very limited usefulness. The benefits, and the resultant popularity, of REALLY knowing sign language could potentially be life altering.

Imagine yourself, along with a friend, sitting in the library studying Lewis and Clark. A few feet away is a gentlemen engrossed in a book explaining how to effectively rid a garden of aphids. You want to comment to your friend about how you think that Clark's name should come before Lewis', yet don't want to disturb the gardener down the way. Silence is the unspoken (literally) rule of library etiquette. Solution: Sign Language.

Imagine that you're on a plane with that same friend. You have spotted massive pit stains on the guy sitting a row in front of you. Every time he stands up to get something from the overhead bin they are quite evident and grossly entertaining. You want to notify your friend so that you can continue to monitor their growth throughout the trip, but at the same time you don't want the man to overhear you and hurt his feelings/ruin the fun. Solution: sign language.

Learning sign language could also potentially save your life. Suppose you and your spouse are soundly asleep one night. You are suddenly awoken in the middle of the night by the sound of someone rummaging around your living room. BANDITS! You hear the thieves making their way towards your bedroom, meanwhile filling their sack with loot. You are forced to hide across the room from each other, one behind the dresser, the other behind a nightstand. You can still see each other, but the bandits cannot see you. You need a strategy. You are too apart to whisper, but talking will give away your hiding spots. Solution: Sign Language. You can now silently develop an effective plan (one of you acts as a decoy, while the other sneaks up behind the bandits and subdues them). Your lives were saved because you decided to be trendy and learn sign language.

EDITORS NOTE: Even if being popular isn't on your agenda, please consider adopting this latest trend for safety purposes.

Sign that this trend has caught on: Two semesters of sign language are required for high school graduation
Has this trend caught on yet? No


Anonymous said...

This has saved my life once before. My compatriot and I had decided in high school that our chemistry class was just TOO hard. We put our heads together and decided to sit really close during a tough test. My friend and I had taken a Weds night sign language class a few years before, so she/he knew the sign to "teacher is coming"

Not only did I not get in trouble, but this incident taught me that cheating is the wrong way to go. If it wasn't for sign language, I would probably have ended up a sullen teenage cheat. Instead, I reformed my ways and strengthened my resolve to broaden my sign language vocabulary.

Johnny Trendsetter said...

Dear Anonymous,

I have a feeling that not only are you a cheat, but that you're also a liar.

J. Trendsetter

Anonymous said...

Is sign language international?

LeslieJerkins said...

this would be nice.