February 23, 2009

Not Updating Your Blog

I have been implementing my latest trend for a short while. I must admit that I have pulled this one off flawlessly. I'm not even going to pretend that you don't already know the latest trend because I have confidence that, naturally, you read the title prior to reading the text. So surely you already know that the newest trend is not updating your blog.

Not updating your blog regularly lets your readership know 4 important qualities about you that are vital if you want them to think you are cool:

1) You have better things to do than play on the computer
- Nobody wants to be friends with someone who's entire life is centered around blogs and social networking sites.

2) You don't really care whether others read your blog or not
- This gives the impression that you are only writing for your own entertainment purposes, not for others. (This is obviously illogical, but it still the impression given)

3) Your blog just really isn't that high on your list of priorities (This MUST be true if you want to be popular)
- No explanation necessary

4) You are a selfish jerk
- This is an absolutely critical step towards becoming popular. If people think you are a jerk, then they will try even harder to get you to like them. You'd have to be an idiot to not know this already. (I'm being a jerk here, see? Now you are probably trying to think of a funny comment to post at the end of this blog so I will think that you are cool.)

Has This Trend Caught On? YES

I would like to announce that this may quite possibly be my final blog entry. Why, you ask? Allow me to tell you. As you should probably know by now, my mission was to establish new trends which would gain worldwide acceptance.  I feel as though my mission may have been a success. People are not updating their blogs all of the time. In fact, most of your friends that have blogs are probably not updating them right now! This makes me feel like I have made a difference and improved our civilization, even in minute terms.

Perhaps a worldwide backlash will occur and I will choose to continue. Or perhaps I will turn my attention towards disestablishing several trends that need to go (Such as emo bands with boys that sing with fake british accents and have girl haircuts). Until then, only do things that I would do.