The Dejection Mark

I dare say it has been more than 300 years since new punctuation has been integrated into the English language. We currently have the question mark to convey the interrogatory and an exclamation point to convey excitement, but what about when we want to convey a voice utterly distraught with sadness? Nothing.

Today I propose a new symbol be incorporated into our written (mostly typed) language - the "^" sign, or as it shall now be called: the dejection mark. So if you want to be trendy, all you have to do is hit "SHIFT 6" after typing an especially disheartening sentence. This can also be used in written word (sorry, but there is no cursive version of the dejection mark).

There are several reasons why I nominate this symbol be the one:
1) Clearly we need something that is already on the standard American keyboard
2) It looks like an intense frown
3) What else is it being used for?

Take a look at the following sentence with our current 'Standard English' form of punctuation:

This litter of newborn kittens is dead.

I'm not entirely convinced that the speaker even has a heart, to be typing something so horrific yet with absolutely no trace of emotion. I will now try it with the "frown" punctuation:

This litter of newborn kittens is dead^

Much more appropriate.

SIGN THAT THIS TREND HAS CAUGHT ON: Junior high English teachers count OFF points when a dejection mark is not utilized.
HAS THIS TREND CAUGHT ON YET? No^

Referee Support

Contemptuous referee heckling is getting old. Phrases like "Hey ref, you need glasses!" and "You suck, ref!" are worn out. This is on-the-job heckling and it is lame. Has one of your emails ever elicited a chorus of boos from the accounts receivable department? Has the whole third floor ever given you the bird because they thought you could have done a better job closing a sale? I doubt it (but if so, you probably deserved it).

The newest trend I would like to introduce is CHEERING for sporting officials. Try yelling things like "That's a fair call!", and "Cheaters never win, number thirty two!" I want the trend of sincerely encouraging sporting officials to take root.

By participating in the trend of cheering for the referee:

1) No game ends with your favorite team having suffered a defeat

2) You encourage someone who feels abused

3) You are publicly supporting rule-abiding

People will undoubtably ask why you have chosen to cheer for the men in stripes. Here is your answer - "I don't care who wins, I just want to see everyone play by the rules." Please use sound judgment when determining whether a call deserves a cheer or not. This gives the impression to everyone else that you truly know a lot about sports officiating. But when you DO choose to applaud the refs, make sure that you mean it. These officials are professionals and are trained to recognize fakery.

After a while, you will probably have adopted a favorite referee. Perhaps you like how he cracks down on offsides penalties. Maybe you appreciate how crisply he signals a three pointer. Just like you would for your favorite team, consider traveling to different cities just to watch your favorite ref or tuning in when his game is aired on a local television station.

SIGN THAT THIS TREND HAS CAUGHT ON: Replica referee jerseys offered in all major sporting goods stores.
HAS THIS TREND CAUGHT ON YET? No

Hot Water

It is time for the debut of the latest trend. This is an easy one and I have good feeling that this one will really take off. Here it is: drinking hot water. Simple. Go to a restaurant and order a steaming mug of hot water. Nothing is as refreshing as a glass of ice water on a hot summer's day. So why the snub of hot water on a cold winter's morn?

But let's take it a step further. I dare you to order regardless of the weather outside. I want for you to order hot water because you LIKE it. You like water, right? There is no escaping the fact 70% of the planet is covered by this beverage, so we might as well take full advantage of it. It is time to revolutionize our water drinking habits.

Here are the benefits of drinking hot water and why this trend should take the world by storm:

1) It is free (don't ever let anyone charge you for your mug of hot water)

2) There is no healthier beverage

3) It is eco-friendly (as long the water comes from the tap rather than a plastic bottle)

4) The heat might kill some bacteria

So I urge you to help get this trend started. Be the first on your block to order a hot water with your next steak dinner. Whenever you have friends over, slip it into the drink options. "Would you like something to drink? We have tea, lemonade, hot water, and Coke." Everyone will admire your brilliance, though they probably won't say this to your face out of jealousy. But you can be sure that the next time they eat with friends, they will most likely order a cup of hot water in order to obtain the same level of admiration that you received when you were first seen consuming hot water. This is how trends begin.

SIGN THIS TREND HAS CAUGHT ON: Hot water is offered on all flights in the United States.

HAS THIS TREND CAUGHT ON YET? No

Mission Statement

Throughout the course of life, many trends come and go. We regret participating in some, and look back at others with a sense of nostalgia. Through this website, I will strategically construct and submit new trends. The idea is similar to a pyramid scheme. Hopefully when YOU act out the trends found on this site, others will notice. These people will then decide that they too want to be popular, so they'll do the same. Others will notice them and so-on and so-forth. Ideally, teenagers in Japan (who seem the most susceptible to fleeting trends) will then themselves adopt the ideas proposed here. 

Is there a risk? Definitely. Don't you think the first guy who decided to put gel in his hair and "spike" it up looked like an idiot? Of course he did! In fact, he STILL looks like an idiot to this day. But its important to remember that trends aren't about looking cool. Trends are about BEING cool. 

So here are your instructions:

1) Implement the trends found here

2) Act like the new trend is perfectly normal

3) Watch for others to catch on

Each new trend will contain a "sign that this trend has caught on" and also a place where you can check the latest status of the trend and see whether the trend has indeed caught on or yet.  I also urge you to post the results of your implementing the trends in the comments section. It is perfectly acceptable for your stories to be untrue, as long as they are both funny and believable.